Author: Sean the Miner
Just another boring trip to Fermanagh. Not worth getting out of bed for. A big yawnfest. Not worthy of a trip report at all. So a list of nonevents shall be listed.
1. Fat Tony in the Skoda, Al and the Focus group, Phil in the Barbie car and Miner Sean in the White Elephant, partook in a race towards Aghnahoo.
2. Media circus, wannabes, Nazi fetishers, Warhammerers, former lost now found cavers, and several dead chickens egged on the drivers.
3. On Friday night the Hoo's main auditorium was near filled to capacity for a live performance by Window Seats.
4. Fermented banana, apple, grape , hops, orange, coriander, were consumed.
5. Several hundred woodworm were sacrificed to the Lord of Warmth.
6. Some branding occurred. Although the Hoo was inadvertently spelt WHOO.
7. Homebrew banana vodka is indeed explosive.
8. Possession is 9/10s of ownership. And can be reinforced by International Rules Shotgun.
9. One member - who shall remain nameless - (kids' stupid big, purple, dinosaur) urinated himself with boredom.
10. Saturday was a day of going to naturally occurring subterranean voids. AKA caves.
11. Dangling off ropes above 35metre yawning chasms.
12. Descending of said ropes and ascending of said ropes. Not the least bit interesting.
13. Slopping up and down cliffs of soft clay mud. As you do.
14. Squeezing through former river tunnels. Just like going to the shop for a pint of milk.
15. Finally having a good excuse for a fat arse. By using it to brace yourself against cave walls.
16. Fat Tony had to leave us to continue the Window Seats world tour.
17. Walk back to the cars saying "why didn't I drive up this track to the cave instead of walking"
18. Driving up track to the cave to collect other emerging troglodytes.
19. Getting 19foot 2tonne White Elephant stuck between a rock and a hard place sideways on a single track goat track.
20. Saturday night was spent in the memory foam padded scout hut.
21. White elephant was abandoned overnight on the hillside with expedition essentials like wine, bad collection of techno music and Walkers crisps.
22. At the scout hut, Chef Maxwell cooked up a Xmas feed, that took everyones breath away especially after Captain Conor scoffed heaps of brussel sprouts and fried bacon grease.
23. Most people were subdued by the effort of the day in it and quickly after dinner succumbed to buckfast, cider and tiredness.
24. Sunday morning was like waking up in a bunker. Albeit a memory foam padded bunker.
25. I like black pudding , but have now gone off Denny black pudding.
26. Several swine were offered up to the God of Caving.
27. Thunderbirds Maxwell and me tooled up to extract the White Elephant.
28. Messrs Conor, Conor and Conor went to some caves near the scout hut.
29. Al, Petie, Sophie and Adam went to caves around Shannon.
30. Phil and me had great practice utilising various cave rescue techniques getting the car off the hillside.
31. After the success of the car extraction and cleaning a heap of SRT gear, suits, rope s, etc. we rested on our laurels for all of 5 minutes.
32. I made sugary tea.
33. Conor and Conor and Conor took ages to get out of Cascades. Owing to mass consumption of brussel sprouts.
34. While there they discovered a new species of aardvark, an Aztec temple full of gold. Signposts to Atlantis, the remains of Hide and seek champion 1983 and a Cabbage Patch Kid.
35. They tried trapping the aardvark, but it growled at them, and exposed its fangs.
36. In the meantime the rest of us played "how to clean up the Scout Hut and caving gear".
37. Some people didn't want to play or didn't know how to play this team game and slow, sloppy play ensured a late night trip home for all, particularly the drivers.
38. I rounded my Sunday off with an energy packed KFC meal.