Freshers' Weekend - A Canadian Perspective (By Lauren Brownlee a fresher!!!)

Holy Schizophrenia, Batman!! What a weekend! By the way, this is written in

Canadian so hopefully you will all understand it! I wasn't too sure what

this weekend was going to be like, but I thought I might as well try it out

and see how things go - I had no idea what I was in for! I wasn't too sure

how exactly we were all going to fit on the bus at first, but we crammed

everything in sucessfully! A quick stop at the bank machine & co-op, with

myself in charge of the keys for the bus, Linda & I took our time purchasing

our alcohol and going to the bank machine. As we were the last two on the

bus (or so we thought), everyone was waiting for us, we hopped in and the

bus for ready for action once again....that was until someone took a head

count and realized there was someone missing - GONZO! Igor took off to find

him while Steve manouvered the mini-bus to the side of the road, he then

sent T.J. to show them where the bus was. Seconds later, Gonzo & Igor return

and we were then missing T.J. for a few minutes. Once we got back on the

road, everything was great, listening to Steve bitch and complain and female

drivers, not realizing of course that the only two females in the bus were

sitting right behind him. But we forgave him, he'll have plenty more to

complain about when Linda drives the bus on the next trip!!

Once we arrived in the bar, all was well, everyone was in good form. There

didn't seem to be any problems apart from a certain individual wandering off

and Jiz's fags disappearing, problems which were solved easily enough. There

were some rather poor attempts at guessing what part of America I was from,

but Gonzo set the record straight that 50 Americans equals one Canadian.

The night carried on rather well. Realizing that pint glasses were needed

back at the cottage, we all partook in the tiefing of pint glasses. The bus

ride home was quite an adventure, I feel sorry for Steve, who probably has a

different version of the bus ride in his head than we do. Anyhow, back at

the cottage we settled in and continued our drinking, the home brew was

poured out and few people partook in the actual drinking of the

potato-tasting liquid. It was rather nice, being a foreigner and all, being

offered some Irish beef as well. Once we made our way to our beds of wood,

everyone pretty much crashed.

The following morning the group on the wooden plank (that was supposed to be

padded) were woken up by Linda, who had a nice warm sleep in the mini-bus.

With a breakfast of sausages on dry bread, we were ready to start our day of

caving. Group A set off to John Thomas, while Group B went into the town for

the use of a real toilet and a nice lunch. While waiting for our food, Gonzo

was taking quite a while in the toilets, which apparently had some kind of

fuzzy glass that people on the outside can see your figure through (sure,

Gonzo). On our trip we were also introduced to Johnny's wonderful music,

which everyone thought was weird at first, but grew to love it. "..heartbeat

increasing heartbeat...."

Group A returned in good shape other than the fact that they were covered in

mud. Group B got ready - everyone put their equipment on, including myself.

With boots that were 2 sizes too big, a wetsuit, and a lovely yellow caving

suit which the arse was ripped out of and the hood had apparently some

record of being shit in by Parrot (which I didn't know at the time - thanks

a lot boys!), we were ready for action. The seven of us made it through to

one end of John Thomas quite successfully, then all hell broke loose. After

hoisting me up on to a ledge, covered in so much mud, I couldn't lift my own

body weight, Gonzo continued to make plans for the little 'cave house' he

was making. We headed back a different way stopping at another wall of mud

which I had to be pushed and pulled up by a few helpers. David was having a

few problems stating that it was easier if he climbed the wall without his

'wellie', which of course confused me with his English accent, it sounded

like he was saying 'willie'. We then continued to take photos of myself with

who-knows-what on my head (but we'll soon find out). Once we made it out of

the cave, Steve let me know that in all the years he has been going through

John Thomas, no one has ever come out looking as bad as myself, he tortured

me further my stating that 50 Americans could have gone through that cave

better than I did. Thanks Steve!

After some help with washing my hair (thanks Linda), we grabbed some dinner

at the chippy and went to the pub again. Although we had lost our stamina,

we had a good night. The Hunchbacks helped abit, as well as some yelling and

biting at Gabby. Poor Igor lost his voice, but with Linda's help he managed

to confuse us all with sign language. For myself, it was a very depressing

night, as you all could tell by the look on my face, which Steve pointed

out. The taxi rides home were fun, as well as the walk down the road. We

even had a double piggyback ride happening (those photos should be

interesting!). Although we had a scare of an intruder, things seemed to be

alright, other than the fact that Steve was running away from Igor and

Emmett (thinking that they were the intruders) and in the process lost one

of his shoes (another classic photo). Some guitar-playing & singing seemed

to tire everyone out quite a bit, once Emmett started twitching, we knew it

was time for bed. Back up to the wooden board bed we went, since the bus was

in town, Linda joined us which made it 6 instead of 5 people. We were quite

cozy, when the largest person possible tried to squeeze himself in, John

made our bed increase in size to 7. Needless to say, the wall and I had a

nice sleep together.

The next day, we attempted our second cave, which was much more successful

for myself, poor Linda couldn't go because of her psychological problems. We

packed up and headed home after cleaning the cottage. I had an awesome

weekend and I can't wait until the next one!!! Just want to thank everyone

for making it as good as it was and I'll get those photos developed as soon

as I finish the roll.

'THIS TOWN AIN'T BIG ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US'