Armchair Caving; n., the act of retaining membership of (or hanging around with) a caving group, whilst not participating in any actual caving-related activities. -derivatives: Armchair Caver; one who participates in Armchair Caving. Classic symptoms include talking about all the caves he/she has been through as if he/she knows them inside out, while in fact he/she has merely seen the entrance and headed off for a fry instead. Also known to be caused by chronic faffing. (see also – Faffing)
Membership so far:
President: Fat Tony, Excuse: the legendary "I've got a gig" excuse, Cause: the rockstar lifestyle
Vice President: Shane Diamond, Excuse: working in a hospital, Cause: the need to get away from caving
Treasurer: Aaron Dobson, Excuse: working every weekend, Cause: well...? no one knows what his mysterious "job" actually is...
Tea Lady: Earlene Armstrong, Excuse: working in a hospital, Cause: a sick fascination with diseases
Previous members of the Armchair Cavers:
These are the ones that have forged themselves an arse-crevice in the seat of the Armchair of Legend, having avoided caving for so long that they hardly even fraternate with those of a caving persuasion any more!
Treasurer: Ryan Scott, Excuse: lives in England, Cause: Train spotting
DIT insider: Angela Garman, Excuse: it's not a wet cave, Cause: Introduced to canoeing before caving (tut, tut)
Tea inspector: Jonny Magoo, Excuse: being in some place in Scotland, Cause: Trying to hold down a respectable job
Chief engineer: Deano, Excuse: being in some place in Scotland, Cause: Dunno, must be starting a new "exclusive" club with Jonny
Excuse drafter: Gonzo, Excuse: needs to go for a run, Cause: Triathlon triathlon WOOO!
Heavenly correspondent: Igor, Excuse: a bit too far away, or just lazy, Cause: Sorely missed!
Officer of The LAW: Mark Stockdale (never thought I'd see the day!), Excuse: moved to England, Cause: The weight of the thumb
Regular points of conversation: |
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- 10 Caving anecdotes to while away the hours |
- Make your own cigerettes from disgarded butts |
- 101 games to play in the kitchen |
- The perfect cup of tea, no longer just a myth |
- Bacon, why is it so crispy? |
- Are you paying too much for your caving insurance? |